A saying I’ve heard a lot growing up is “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” truth is, I knew what I had, I had it good. I had hockey everyday. I ate, slept and breathed hockey. For now though, I do not have this amazing sport to rely on for a part of my happiness. I only have the idea and memories of it until my body makes a full recovery.
On February 28th, 2015, I played my last hockey game before I had both my right and my left labrums in my hips repaired. I think having hockey taken away from me was one of the best things that has ever happened to me, but also one of the worst. Out of no where, I went from being able to play the sport I loved, pain free, to playing the sport I loved with miserable amounts of pain. I think having hockey briefly taken away from me for almost a year has made me come to terms with the fact that I will never be someone who can live without this beautiful sport I’ve been blessed with. First and foremost, at the end of the day, I have way too much energy. There isn’t much I can do to burn this energy either because I haven’t been cleared to run. So I lay in bed wide awake staring at the ceiling until I finally get tired. Secondly, I really miss the big time game moments, the celebrations, the ups and downs, and being able to mix a little bit of swag into my day. I feel like being a goalie is one of my identities and I miss that Kassidy, the one who fell in love with having pucks shot at her since the age of 5. Lastly, I’m terrified of the unknown. Maybe I’ll make a full recovery and never be in pain again or maybe I’ll still be in pain every time I touch the ice. I have no idea – there’s no way of testing it out either. Now, for the reason why I said it was one of the best things… I will never complain about being tired, fed up, or even think about being lazy during hockey again in my life. Because the most tiring, boring and lazy thing I’ve ever done is sit on the bench in the freezing cold and watch practice. It is brutal to be just a couple feet away from the ice but still be so incapable of touching it. I will adore hockey with so much more now. I believe that with all my heart, being taken out and stepping back to analyze this has made me realize that hockey has been my life since I was just a kid and without it, I’m only half of me. Life off of the ice rink is half as sunny, half as exciting and only holds half of my memories. I believe that I will be a force to be reckoned with when I am fully healthy and ready to compete. But for now, I focus on my rehabilitation, strength (both mentally and physically) and every so often I visualize myself playing the game, just to build up some excitement for the years to come.
Lastly, I’m hoping for the best for my team in the second half of our season. My teammates are unbelievable human beings and I am honoured to have them by my side through thick and thin. I pray that this season is to only go up hill from here on our. Go bucks 🙂